When we meet Linda Robson, she’s on the phone to best pal Christopher Biggins , turning the air blue, cackling, and calling him all sorts of names that would certainly get her on the naughty list.
"Blimey, it’s been a long time since I’ve made a front cover!" we hear her say to Biggins. "Unless it’s because of something dodgy I’ve said on Loose Women."
Once the pair have finally stopped erupting into fits of giggles, Linda hangs up and gives us her full attention. And first of all, she simply has to show us pictures on her phone of one-year-old granddaughter Betsy, and the centrepieces she’s buying her Birds Of A Feather girls for Christmas.
"My niece is a florist you see," she says with a grin, "Lesley wants traditional gold and Pauline wants black and white. And we always get each other something birds-related. I love our Christmas date!" she exclaims with a squeal.
And so do we. Because it’s that time of year where we get to see Linda, Pauline Quirke and Lesley Joseph reprise their roles as Tracey, Sharon and Dorien for a Birds Of A Feather Christmas special – a show so iconic it’s drawn in audiences of over 20 million viewers.
"It’s become a Christmas tradition and all my family sit round and watch it together," she smiles. "People have grown old with us. We have a generation of young people who watch with their nans and mums. Sometimes 10-year-olds come and tell me they love me," she laughs.
"But we do get recognised everywhere, it’s bonkers. Me and Pauline went on holiday to Australia together once and all these women at the airport were going mad running after us screaming, 'Oh my God, it’s Sharon and Tracey!' but we were in a bloody stretch limo. Why not?"
It’s evident straightaway that the three girls are genuinely the best of friends and have a lot of fun. As Linda shows us endless pictures of the trio on her phone (having play dates with their granddaughters, winning telly awards, up Ben Nevis, "I was drunk when I agreed to that," and pictures of them on set), we imagine they’re always in hysterics.
"Oh, we have such a laugh. I can’t imagine not doing it," she says pulling a sad face, "I love it too much. And this year’s Christmas special is bonkers. Last year you’ll remember the girls were away in Malta for the episode, so this year, they’re at home and Tracey is thinking about selling the house. Downsizing to help the boys out. Obviously this doesn’t go down too well with Sharon, or Dorien for that matter.
"Then we do our bit for the community and end up with a load of homeless people round the table for lunch, and Dorien gets locked in a crypt in a thunderstorm. Looking a state," she explains, again, collapsing into fits of giggles.
Today, Linda looks every ounce the festive party girl in a glitzy scarf, boots and a black jumper. She’s tiny, and has the warmest, kindest eyes that have you hanging on her every word. So open, she literally goes through the entire contents of her handbag with us – it’s that level of honesty that’s made her a hit on the Loose Women panel for the past five years.
But for now, it’s the Christmas holidays, and Linda’s off-screen traditions are a little less bizarre than those in her telly life.
"Well I’m obsessed with my grandchildren, I really am," she tells us wide-eyed, "So Christmas is all about them. I love seeing their little excited faces. The grandkids come and do Santa presents at mine and I do a big fry up for everyone.
"Then I get cooking the next meal, with two nut roast options for my veggie kids, parsnips, the works. I pre-order it all done, though. The turkey ready stuffed, the pigs in blankets, then I send my husband to pick it up. Then all that work and it gets gobbled up in seconds,’ she says shaking her head in disbelief.
So aside from two grandkids (baby Betsy and Lila, five), Linda will be spending Christmas with her husband of 27 years, Mark, kids Lauren, 34, Louis, 24, Roberta, 21, and her beloved pooch.
"My French bulldog Ernie will get presents without a doubt. He’ll get a stocking and he’s already been destroying the tree," she says, rolling her eyes. "We let him off though because he’s deaf. I only found out when I phoned the vet to say he wasn’t responding to anything we said to him and he said, 'While he’s asleep, get a pot and bang it behind his head.' Well, he didn’t flinch. But there’s no way we’d get rid of him now, he’s part of the family."
It may not be strictly traditional to do a stocking for a pet, but do the Robsons go traditional with the decorations?
'I like bright colours. Fluorescent pinks and blues are all over my tree which we get from down the market. We’ve been going for years. A young lad delivers the tree to us in a shopping trolley. Better still, when it’s January and I’m done with it, I just lob it off the balcony and he comes and takes it away again. Saves me dragging it through the house."
One thing that does tend to go hand-in-hand with Christmas is a little tipple. And after a year off the booze, we imagine Linda might struggle to succumb to temptation.
"My drink was Pinot Grigio with soda. I used to have a bottle a night. But in January I stopped having it, I went cold turkey. It was very hard at first, and now I’m worried if I had a glass I’d be back on a bottle a night. I have a very addictive personality. I’ve been addicted to a nicotine replacement for five years. I’m lucky I’m not a sweets or chocolate lover!"
So she’s not boozy, no longer smokes and doesn’t like sweets, is there much left to indulge on over Christmas?
"I’ll replace my vices with cannabis! I’ve already smoked weed on TV," says Linda, who experimented with medicinal marijuana on TV show Gone To Pot.
"Even though my agent said I shouldn’t. But it relaxed me and helped me to sleep. I only had a bit. Unlike Christopher Biggins who was a right greedy b*****d! I’d like to get some cannabis oil to help the deaf dog too. That’d be a good Christmas present, actually."
At this moment, none other than Lesley Joseph, who’s also at the ITV studios, bursts into the room and Linda bounds up to give her a massive cuddle and a kiss on the cheek.
"You look fabulous!’ croons Lesley, ‘Can I stay here and listen to your chat? I promise I won’t interrupt." (The pair now compare videos of their baby granddaughters dancing, going gooey-eyed over the footage).
"Sorry, where was I? Presents! Let’s talk about presents!" Linda says excitedly. Is there a favourite present from childhood that sticks in her mind?
"Well, this’ll make you laugh, Lesley," she gestures with a finger point, "When I was little I thought being an air hostess was the most glamorous job in the world. So my mum got me a dressing-up outfit. I had the gloves, the hat, a tray to serve drinks on and I never took it off. I wore it until it fell apart. I didn’t go on a plane until I was much older so I thought it was so exotic, when really, I flew back on Ryanair the other day – nah, thanks."
But what would be the dream present to find under the tree this Christmas morning?
"I don’t like anything expensive. I usually ask for some simple silver jewellery which I get engraved with a heartfelt message from Mark or the kids. And every year I ask for a personalised diary with lots of family photos in it. They know I’d be fuming if I didn’t get one so they always pretend it isn’t coming and wheel one out at the end," she explains.
Linda prefers to leave her gift shopping to the last minute.
"I do mine on Christmas Eve. I don’t even bother wrapping them. Get down the Poundshop and get some gift bags," she laughs. "My daughter does one style of wrapping for each person, she’s so organised. I can’t be doing with it. Plus we always put a price limit on our family pressies so it doesn’t get too silly. Although my eldest granddaughter has now started asking where the goodie bags are wherever we go. She even said to her mum when they were Christmas shopping, 'Tell them who Nanny is.' What have I created?!"
Has Linda ever been given a rubbish present?
"A few times it hasn’t been quite right, ("Not from me, I hope," interjects Lesley.) but they’d never know. I’d do an Oscar-winning performance, because that’s not what Christmas is about. As long as you have family, friends, good company and food, that’s all that matters."
How does Linda spend her Christmas day?
Lie-in or up with excitement on Christmas Day?
I get up so early! Around 7am. I don’t want to waste a bit of the day. I want it to go on forever.
Wrapping paper everywhere or clean as you go?
Clean it up as I go. I’m like a mad woman when it comes to recycling. I go through the bins accusing everyone of putting things in the wrong place.
New batteries or re-use the old ones?
I get a stash for the grandkids but I’ve been known to take batteries out of the TV remote if there’s an emergency. My husband is very good at assembling, he’ll sit and play with Lego for ages.
Games or TV?
I love TV but Speak Out is our favourite game at the moment. I just swear with the mouthpiece in because it sounds hilarious. Or Articulate. We get so into it. It really kicks off.
Boxing Day sales or relax at home?
I think people who hit the sales are mad. My family like them but it gets too violent for me. Me and Mark will have a nice quiet day together instead.