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Whatever it stands for, you’re deep in it

opinion
Aug 20, 20192 mins
IT Leadership

As acronyms go, it WAS easy to remember.

Computerworld  |  Shark Tank
Credit: Computerworld / IDG

Pilot fish is tasked with evaluating help desk systems, and incidentally with giving the chosen system a name. When he submits his report on various off-the-shelf systems and the in-house option, he titles it “System for Helpful Information Tracking,” just for fun. His thought is that his manager will catch that the name forms an unfortunate acronym, they’ll have a laugh, and then they’ll give it a new name before it starts up the line in the rather straitlaced insurance company they work for.

But manager doesn’t catch it and passes the report along before fish can stop by his office to have that expected laugh. Suddenly the little joke doesn’t seem so funny to fish, but there’s nothing he can do to stop the report’s progress through the ranks without calling attention to what is sure to be seen as a tasteless and unacceptable attempt at humor (which even fish wouldn’t argue against). Finally the report comes back from a very senior manager, which means it got through many levels of managers and vice presidents.

This manager is an actuary, so he does tend to look at things closely, and he probably lacks a sense of humor. His note is succinct, though: “I am not amused.”

Sharky is famous for his sense of humor. I’ll prove it when you send me your true tales of IT life at sharky@computerworld.com. You can also subscribe to the Daily Shark Newsletter.

sharky

Questions that Sharky gets a lot

Q: What's a pilot fish?

A: There are two answers to that question. One is the Mother Nature version: Pilot fish are small fish that swim just ahead of sharks. When the shark changes direction, so do the pilot fish. When you watch underwater video of it, it looks like the idea to change direction occurred simultaneously to shark and pilot fish.

Thing is, sharks go pretty much anywhere they want, eating pretty much whatever they want. They lunge and tear and snatch, but in so doing, leave plenty of smorgasbord for the nimble pilot fish.

The IT version: A pilot fish is someone who swims with the sharks of enterprise IT -- and lives to tell the tale. Just like in nature, a moment's inattention could end the pilot fish's career. That's life at the reef.

Q: Are all the Sharky stories true?

A: Yes, as best we can determine.

Q: Where do the Sharky tales come from?

A: From readers. Sharky just reads and rewrites and basks in the reflected glory of you, our readers. It is as that famous fish-friendly philosopher Spinoza said, "He that can carp in the most eloquent or acute manner at the weakness of the human mind is held by his fellows as almost divine."

Q: Do I have to write my story in Sharky-ese?

A: No. Not at all. Just be sure to give us details. What happened, to whom, what he said, what she said, how it all worked out. If Sharky likes your tale of perfidy, heroism or just plain weirdness at your IT shop, he will supply his particular brand of Shark snark.

Q: I've got a really funny story, but I could get fired if my old trout of a boss found out I told you. How confidential is what I send to Sharky?

A: We don't publish names: yours, your boss's, your trout's, your company's. We try to file off the serial numbers, though there's no absolute guarantee that someone who lived through the incident won't recognize himself. Our aim is to share the outrageous, knee-slapping, milk-squirting-out-your-nose funny tales that abound in the IT world, not to get you fired. That would not be funny.

Q: How do I get each new Shark Tank tale emailed to me?

Easy. Subscribe to the newsletter.

Q: Where are the Sharkives?

Tales of old can be found in Sharky's archive.