Lately, it feels like every movie has us thinking, “What the f*ck did I just watch?” In this series, we will break down exactly what happened in all those wild, mind-bendy, and just plain strange flicks...in a way that’s much easier to understand than the actual film.

THERE ARE SPOILERS AHEAD FOR NETFLIX’S THE KNIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS.


Christmas movies, quite often, make absolutely no sense. The love stories are unrealistic, the people are absolutely cheesy, and the plotlines are totally ridiculous. Netflix’s The Knight Before Christmas follows that tradition very, very well. Starring Vanessa Hudgens, the movie is about a medieval knight, Sir Cole, who is transported to modern-day America. He promptly falls in love with Brooke, a high school science teacher.

Let’s be clear: A certain amount of ridiculousness is acceptable when it comes to Christmas movies. But this one is so absurd, so unrealistic, that we need to discuss the craziest parts of it right TF now.

Horse, Tradition, Middle ages, Event, Festival, Bridle, History, Knight, Temple, Ritual,
Netflix

The movie gets off to a rough start when Sir Cole is transported to the present day and has literally no concern for how he’s going to get home. Like, if you were suddenly hundreds of years in the future, wouldn’t you be freaked out? Wouldn’t you cry maybe a single tear? Wouldn’t you have a full-blown panic attack? I would!

I know he’s on a quest or whatever, but that wouldn’t be enough to calm me me down. Cole seems totally chill to be in a strange place with strange people where he has no idea what literally anything is. Like, he’s not afraid of cars. He even thinks he can drive one! Even medieval knights know when they’re out of their depth, right?

And why is SHE not more concerned that he legit thinks he is a knight?! At first, she goes along with it because she thinks he’ll get his memory back eventually, which is cute, but then it gets a little out of hand. She starts to truly believe he *is* from the medieval times. I mean, sure, technically he is, but what woman in 2019 would actually believe that? Haven’t we learned enough about men’s lies?! This just further proves my theory that women will do literally anything for a man with a British accent.

The movie ends with Cole going back to medieval England, realizing he loves Brooke, and then returning to the present day? IDK! But the fact that Brooke is still not all that freaked out that an alleged knight from the 1300s just spent a week with her, then left, then CAME BACK is pretty insane. Even Christmas doesn’t make people that delusional, right?

The most WTF moments in The Knight Before Christmas:

  • When Brooke set up her Christmas tree on December 20. No! You put up your tree by December 1 or else!!
  • When she let him BORROW HER CAR. A total stranger! Driving her automobile! In the year 2019, we call that scammer culture.
  • When she wanted to celebrate Christmas with Cole, a total rando???? And her family had...no objection to that?
  • When her sister told her that Cole, a man who is, by all accounts, so crazy that he thinks he’s a medieval knight, is “the whole package.” The bar for these mans is quite literally on the floor.
  • When they went out in a blizzard to look for Brooke’s niece in nothing but peacoats. IT IS WINTER, PEOPLE.