Monday Masala: Raj was Rohit in Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai

The concept of Raj and Rohit in Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai was precariously balanced on the belief that doppelgangers exist. There is, in fact, proof that there’s a one in 135 chance that you have a lookalike walking the earth. But an exact replica makes it a one in a million.

Bollywood, of course, has always been one in a million. Therefore judwas inhabit Bolly-verse aplenty. So Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai was not difficult for us to accept. We also accepted that both Raj and Rohit, apart from their identical looks, also had all of their 11 fingers on the pulse.

And that they were also equally good singers and dancers. Even though in reality it took us over a decade to find someone (Tiger Shroff) who could actually match steps with Hrithik Roshan, we had no qualms accepting the possibility in the cinematic universe. But then, it was also the innocuous 2000s.

Spot the difference.

And then, both these exceedingly good-looking men fell madly in love with Sonia Sawnia Saxena. The same girl. Haah! What are the odds.

But then c’mon, do you really believe these odds? Our theory is far simpler - that Raj was Rohit. And once you start Khoon Bhari Maang-ofying Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai, everything starts making sense. Here, let us show you.

Rohit saw something he shouldn’t have. He had to be eliminated. Of course, he’d try to run and save himself. So he did. The more he ran, the harder the Sirjis chased him. Zapping through the streets of Mumbai, Rohit, crippled by fear and insane traffic, loses balance, slips and slides into oblivion.

We all saw Rohit drown and then hit his head on a rock. And then we saw Raj hard-break his bike at the signal, right next to Sonia. In New Zealand.

Of course, Rohit had help from a good Samaritan manjhi, who pulled him out of the water and took care of him in his kutiya with jaribooti. When Rohit narrated his ordeal to the sage man, he suggested, Beta, why don’t you relocate and start over. Take your brother along when you’re settled in.

But settling-in in New Zealand wasn’t going to be easy if it wasn’t for Mr and Mrs Chopra, the childless billionaire businessmen couple. Unhe beta mil gaya and Rohit ko Maa-Baap, along with an inheritance that could catapult his singing career. Which is exactly how things panned out later, remember?

He, of course, needed a new name and papers. Mr Chopra and his contacts swiftly made that happen. And Rohit got a spray tan and patiently waited for Sonia to be sent to her uncle’s home. Now, that’s the whole reason he chose New Zealand in the first place.

When Raj agrees to avenge Rohit's death.

Rohit may be seedha and saadha, but he isn’t dumb. He wanted revenge, but he also knew he needed to retreat and regroup before he could pounce. The regrouping involved rigorous gymming so he could look like someone who could beat tens into a pulp. But most importantly, regrouping needed Sonia to actually believe Raj and Rohit are different and that revenge was actually her idea, so in case things go south, Sirji would be facing his own daughter, not him.

Rohit 2.0 Raj almost gave it away a couple of times. Genuine mistakes, TBH. Like when he was cooking Spanish omelette for Sonia and he ended up saying, "Sab kaam main hi karunga ya tum bhi kuch karogi?" Or when he did the face-brushing brotherly bonding thingy with Amit by mistake. But for the most part, he kept him calm and tan intact and continued on his mission.

And if this still doesn’t seem convincing, consider this: Rohit’s body was never discovered.

(Writer tweets as @NotThatNairita)

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