Late Night on Trump’s Defense: ‘Just in Case, Gas Up the Bronco’

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As Seen on T.V.

On Monday, the day before President Trump’s impeachment trial starts in earnest, late-night hosts delved into Trump’s legal team and expected defense strategy (which Jimmy Fallon said would be “release a live bat in the Senate chamber, then scatter”).

“According to one source, Trump has been telling people that ‘he wanted a high-profile legal team that can perform on television,’ and ‘Trump loves having people who are on television working for him.’ [As Trump:] Quick, get me Matlock, Perry Mason, Law and Order — get me that ‘dung dung!’ thing — and, uh, Dharma and Greg.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“One of his lawyers is Alan Dershowitz, who represented such luminaries as Claus von Bülow, Harvey Weinstein, Jeffrey Epstein, and O.J. Simpson. So he definitely has a type.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“[As Trump:] Get me Dershowitz — I’m exactly as innocent as Jeffrey Epstein and O.J. Simpson. But Jared, just in case, gas up the Bronco.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Rudy Giuliani will not be on the Trump legal team, but he claims he wants to testify. He said he would love to appear as a witness at the Senate trial — not as much as I would love it, but he would love it. I think we’d all like to see it. I think we’d especially like the part where he puts his hand on the Bible and it bursts into flames.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

“And McConnell also released a schedule that could put some arguments on T.V. at midnight or 1 in the morning. These guys really are something. They don’t want witnesses, they don’t want new evidence, they don’t want reporting, and they don’t want people watching. It’s almost like they have something to hide — but what could that be? The phone call was perfect! It was a perfect call. Maybe they’re just shy?” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Punchiest Punchlines (Dream Deferred Edition)

“Many of our leaders today paid tribute to Dr. King, including the president, who wrote: ‘It was exactly three years ago today, January 20th, 2017, that I was sworn into office. So appropriate that today is also M.L.K. Jr. Day.’ Is it, though? Because I don’t think it is.” — JIMMY KIMMEL

"January 20th, 2017: I think we all remember where we were when we weren’t there.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“But we’re also exactly one year away from the inauguration of our next president, so it’ll either be a massive, historic celebration down in D.C., or the White House will tell us it was a massive, historic celebration down in D.C.” — STEPHEN COLBERT

“Three years ago today, this country took on an extraordinary challenge. And that challenge was to answer the question: Can democracy survive the worst person on earth? And so far, the answer is ‘barely.’” — JIMMY KIMMEL

The Bits Worth Watching

Amber Ruffin, a writer for “Late Night With Seth Meyers,” tried to stay positive while performing a celebratory song about Martin Luther King Day.

What We’re Excited About on Tuesday Night

Jane Fonda and Lily Tomlin, stars of “Grace and Frankie,” will hang out on the “Late Late Show” couch with James Corden.

Also, Check This Out

Like all the best true-crime books, Emma Copley Eisenberg’s debut, “The Third Rainbow Girl,” is about more than a quest to solve the mystery, says our critic. In this case, the mystery is a 1980 double murder whose repercussions are still felt in a small Appalachian town.