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Man, if my dark lord and master Donald Trump doesnt cut it out with those tweets... well, I may have to issue a pretend threat to quit!
"Man, if my dark lord and master Donald Trump doesn't cut it out with those tweets... well, I may have to issue a pretend threat to quit!" Bill Pugliano / Getty News

GOOD MORNING, PORTLAND! Now if I give you me, this is how it's got to be. First of all I won't take your cheating on me. LET'S GO TO PRESS.

Now that the Senate has let their impeached president off the hook, Trump is using all his corrupt powers to take over the justice system. He has declared himself the "chief law enforcement officer of the country," and yesterday he granted clemency to 11 criminals who all had something in common—either wealth, fame, or friendship. The most despicable of those were junk bond king/swindler Michael Milken, corrupt former Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich, and former New York City police commissioner Bernard Kerik who was found guilty of tax fraud and lying to the government. So what's next for our autocratic president? Probably prosecuting his enemies, right? Let's get him out of office and just as importantly, FLIP THE SENATE.

OH, AND THIS IS RICH. So now after enabling Trump to take over the Justice Department, Attorney General Bill Barr is privately grousing that Trump has too much power and making his job impossible—and there are even rumors that he's considering resigning. BULL FUCKING SHIT. This is another lying ploy to calm the nerves of alarmed Justice Department employees who are considering jumping ship en masse. DON'T BELIEVE IT.

Tonight marks the ninth Democratic debate, and the first to co-star the verrrrrry problematic Mike Bloomberg who is trying to buy his way into the White House, and was just caught saying something terribly tone deaf about trans people. Tune in to watch him get eviscerated. It's also an opportunity for Elizabeth Warren to remind voters why she would be a great choice for president, Pete Buttigieg to somehow win over people of color, and Bernie Sanders (who just surged in a nationwide poll) to not screw up and hold on to his lead. The debate kicks off at 6 pm PST on NBC and MSNBC.

To the surprise of no one, Trump called homophobic bigot/Medal of Freedom winner Rush Limbaugh to tell him he should "never apologize" for the anti-gay slurs he's hurled at Democratic candidate Pete Buttigieg.

After finding dangerous debris in their fuel tanks, Boeing has ordered an inspection of all of their grounded 737 Max planes.

Ja’Net DuBois, who played Willona in the '70s sitcom Good Times and sang the theme song for The Jeffersons, died in her sleep on Monday surrounded by family.

IN LOCAL NEWS: Closing arguments in the Jeremy Christian/MAX murder trial begin today, and our Blair Stenvick has a recap of the details from the last week you may have missed.

Major League Soccer released their new Fan Code of Conduct and has banned "discriminatory signs and clothing—but does not prohibit political symbols like the Iron Front, something progressive soccer fans are celebrating." Our Robert Ham has more.

ICYMI, Bernie Sanders drew a whopping 17.000 people to his appearance in Washington state's Tacoma Dome. Rich Smith was there and files this report.

Portland's AAA branch has severed its contract with the towing company whose owner used his chummy relationship with the cops to retaliate against an employee. Our Alex Zielinski has the details.

A group of butt-hurt conservatives want to redraw the Oregon-Idaho border because they think they aren't being catered to enough by our state government. WAH-WAH-WAH. Read my story about that here!

Speaking of conservative crybabies who hate democracy: Oregon House Republicans staged another walk out last night because things weren't going their way. Again, WAH-WAH-WAH.

HEY, YOU LOVE COCKTAILS, RIGHT? Then don't miss the upcoming Mercury HIGHBALL week, featuring 50 craft cocktails for only (*checks notes*) $5?? Wow!

Now let's peer outside at the WEATHER: A breezy and sunny day with a high of 55!

And finally... I CAN RELATE.