Rebecca Resman’s kids have a new game they play, shaped by the strangeness of the coronavirus pandemic.
At 5 and 7 years old, the two siblings stand sentinel at each end of their parent-approved sidewalk turf, spanning a couple houses each way, binoculars in hand.
When someone approaches, they yell into walkie talkies, “Danger! People! Head to HQ!” Then they run, joyfully screaming, to their chalk-adorned makeshift clubhouse under their porch.
“It’s a weird combination of ‘Spy’ and ‘Pandemic,'” Resman said. “It’s a blend of funny and sad.”
She knows it’s a game to them, but “I hope they recover from that strange detail of social distancing,” she mused.
Now in their third week under the state’s stay-at-home order, the Roscoe Village family, like the rest of the world, is finding its way forward. Collectively, adapting to a life-altering pandemic has been hard on the psyche, and experts are seeing widespread spikes in anxiety and coping mechanisms as we all try to adapt.
And while our panicked brains do settle into a new normal, the constantly changing situation and impossible-to-know duration of this way of life make it hard to keep digesting the latest information.
“I definitely think it has the characteristics of trauma, especially if loss is felt in a proximal way to someone’s life,” said clinical psychologist and professor Keeshawna Brooks. “And the more you avoid processing these difficult events, the more you signal to the brain that it’s so scary that whenever we do think about it, it becomes an amplified source of stress.”
Almost half of Americans said the crisis has had a negative impact on their mental health, according to a Kaiser Family Foundation poll conducted at the end of March. The number of people who said their lives have been disrupted jumped from 40% to 72% in the span of two weeks. A majority also reported increasing fears over job security, risk of exposure to the virus and loss of income.
Alcohol sales online or in stores are growing at unprecedented rates, with some online delivery services seeing increases of 200 percent. Other signs of stress, like disrupted sleep or overeating, are joked about on social media, but are also an indication your mind is overtaxed.
“Sometimes we can’t self-monitor very well in a time when we’re just trying to survive,” Brooks said. If those feelings of anxiety are being repressed and emotional reactivity escalates, “you can have that type of moment where the straw breaks the camel’s back, so to speak,” she said.
Working through those feelings with a therapist can make a significant difference, and teletherapy is proven to be an effective way to do so, according to the American Psychological Association.
Eventually, our brains level off and grow accustomed to the stressors, a process known as habituation, said Vaile Wright, APA director of clinical research and quality.
But our ability to adjust also depends on processing the stress in a healthy way. Getting enough sleep, eating healthy, being active and staying socially connected through virtual means are pillars of self-care, Wright said. Coping skills like physical exercise, cognitive activity like reading or doing puzzles, and sense-stimulating practices like taking hot baths are also recommended ways to unwind.
For children, the upheaval of our daily routine is just as hard.
“Children are really looking to the adults in their lives to determine how to respond to this,” said Brooks, who is also a certified school psychologist. “If they see adults maintaining a routine, that can encourage a sense of calmness and their own sense of control over a situation.”
In Brighton Park, Yuritza Rangel found creative ways to celebrate her youngest son’s second birthday. With their favorite bakery closed, the family made its own cake. The three boys made banners and signs to decorate the house.
“We said if we can’t have people over, we’ll make it extra special,” Rangel said. Although she once homeschooled her children before they went to public school, it’s more challenging this time around.
“I used to take them to museums and stuff, and now it’s just staying in all the time,” she said.
The family keeps active with a pull-up bar, which the kids use as a makeshift monkey bar, and a bouncy house for the backyard. When their father, Hector Estrada, gets done with his work servicing trucks, he shows the kids how to garden, or takes them outside to ride bikes.
Things have been tough financially, as Rangel and Estrada, who do event photography and videography, have refunded close to $10,000 in deposits for weddings and quinceaneras that are delayed due to the coronavirus. That money, Rangel said, is usually their safety net.
“If any of us get sick, we’ll be in big trouble,” she said. “It’s our falling-on money, and right now, we don’t have it.”
Finding a sense of normalcy can be a challenge, Resman said. The kids don’t go outside as often as they’d probably like to, especially as warmer weather arrives, but families on the block have worked out unofficial rotations for playing outside — if too many children are around, the Resmans wait until it’s safer.
“If it overlaps, all the kids run out, because they’re excited to see each other, and then everyone’s yelling ‘Six feet away,'” Resman said. “The kids try, but they just don’t get it. They miss their friends.”
Still, there are happy moments that shine through, she said. They’ve traced chalk messages of hope on their block. They eat family meals more often, since dad works from home. The kids walked to their grandma’s building to wave and flash a “Miss you” sign outside her window.
“The first few weeks, there was a lot of fighting,” Resman said of her children. “But I’ve definitely seen an acceptance in the last week of the fact that this is who you’ve got. I’ve definitely seen their relationship grow, which has been a nice byproduct.
“You gotta find those bright spots. It’s just too dang hard (otherwise).”
The way communities come together, especially to help vulnerable populations or in low-income neighborhoods, is an indicator of how well they rebuild following a crisis, said Kathleen Cagney, a sociologist at the University of Chicago who authored a 2016 study about the aftermath of superstorm Sandy.
“When people were in crisis, they turned more readily to informal services, like calling a neighbor before they called 311 or 911,” Cagney said. “And they were able to bounce back more effectively if they had strong social ties and cohesion.”
The dangers of a heat wave or crime rates are also lessened in places where neighbors check in on each other and stay connected, strengthening their community’s resiliency, she said.
It’s possible that one positive outcome of the current pandemic is that people will create those bonds and be better prepared in the future, Cagney said.
“But one concern is that while there’s a lot of energy right now, one would hope that doesn’t dissipate over time, as people become more fatigued in these various social roles,” Cagney said. Continuing to check in and offer help in the coming weeks and months is just as important as that initial outreach.
And even as we adapt, sudden changes, like an extension of the state’s stay-at-home order, can trigger those feelings of anxiety again.
“We should expect them to happen, accept that it’s our reality and find ways to manage it when it does occur,” Wright said.
Rangel, in her hunt for activities for stir-crazy sons, found a printable COVID-19 time capsule, where children can describe how they feel, list what they’re excited to do once the pandemic is over, and write a letter to their future selves.
“Our kids are living through something historic,” she said. “Having them document it could be amazing for them to come back and see everything that happened and what the differences are, because God knows what comes next.”
