Question: I promised my elderly friend that I would take her cat when she dies. Since I made that promise, my husband and I have adopted a service dog who hates cats! Should I tell my friend or just hope she outlives her cat?
Answer Please tell her. It might feel like a delicate subject but if you don’t explain things to her and the cat is still with her when she dies, the results could be disastrous! If I were in your friend’s shoes, I would rather know now that you are unable to keep the promise so other arrangements can be made. Your friend may be able to find someone else to agree to adopt her kitty and, if not, nonprofit organizations are forming all the time committed to finding homes for dogs and cats that are left behind. Making arrangements ahead of the “need” is so much better than having expected plans fail that leave a trustee or executor scrambling to find a good home for a loved pet.
Question: This contentious election has divided my family! It was all we could do to keep them from physically fighting over the holiday table and, oh, the language! My husband and I are horrified at their behavior. The worst part is that our daughter is named as our executor and she refuses to talk to her brother. My husband and I are afraid that if something happens to us now, it will be World War III in our home! What should we do?
Answer: This election seems to have brought out the absolute worst in some people and I am hearing of this problem in many previously harmonious families. Well, I say “harmonious” but it is now apparent that there were latent hostilities between family members and the election brought resentment and anger to the surface. It has been said that that you don’t truly know your siblings until you have shared an inheritance. I am now adding: “…or voted for opposing presidents” to that saying!
It is most important to recognize that your children have now shone their true colors – they have failed the stress test! When put under pressure, they are unable to behave respectfully toward each other. Look at this as a blessing in disguise.
I recommend you rethink your appointment of your daughter as executor and seek someone else – maybe a trusted advisor or a professional fiduciary, to step in on your death. Adding the stress of a parent’s death to an already volatile relationship can, in your words, spell “World War III.” If, over time, they mend fences, you can always change your documents again. Good luck!
Editor’s note: This column first appeared in 2017.
Liza Horvath has over 30 years of experience in the estate planning and trust fields and is a Licensed Professional Fiduciary. Liza currently serves as president of Monterey Trust Management. This is not intended to be legal, tax or investment advice. If you have questions call (831)646-5262 or email liza@montereytrust.com.
