We all know that social media and cyberspace are pretty mean-spirited spheres, especially to celebrities. But if you routinely glance over online headlines, you just might reach the conclusion that there is more fawning than trolling out there. And the fawning is mostly over the female body.
Feminist sensitivities aside, we could say that this is a good thing in a world of so much malice, anger, distress and emotional insecurity. Even then some of the headlines bear reflecting upon, not necessarily to assail them but to marvel at the superlatives.
I long pondered writing on this topic, but again and again weighty matters got in the way. But not this time. This online headline in Seventeen magazine of Sept. 28 finally tipped the scale: “Let’s all pause to appreciate Bella Hadid’s cleavage cut-out crop top.”
At the time this tongue-twister of a headline was posted, the US government was at the verge of a partial shutdown because Congress was deadlocked over the budget. In Germany, there was political uncertainty as an election to replace the retiring Chancellor Angela Merkel produced no clear-cut winner. Meanwhile, North Korea launched another pair of missiles into the Korean Peninsula in its periodic test of nerves. And, of course, all around the world there are insurgencies that take lives and aggravate insecurity and hunger.
Amidst it all, we were called upon to pause to appreciate one woman’s cleavage. In fairness to the magazine, its readers are mostly women in their teens and early 20s, and they are not much burdened by national and global problems. Instead, they are quite stressed by schooling pressures and the hazards of social media. So, the headline could well be the millennial version of “Stop and smell the roses — or the coffee.”
In reality though, this and similar headlines are not inspired by any philosophical inclinations. Rather, as a friend who used to work for the Toronto Star bemoaned, it is all about generating clicks. And cumulatively, clicks translate into advertising or remuneration dollars.
Not surprisingly, fawning headlines are not limited to teen magazines. They predominate in niche magazines and lifestyle websites, though by no means exclusively.
Matters of cleavage take their place alongside insanely toned abs, firmed thighs, and especially curvy bodies that rock bikinis. The headlines don’t always command that the world pause, but they may as well. Their superlatives ask for no less.
Celebrity magazine being what it is may well be the champion of fawning headlines. On Wednesday last week alone, its Yahoo News posts included three such headlines on wrestler Ronda Rousey, actress and model Priyanka Chopra and even the much aged “Dynasty” alumnus Joan Collins.
At her prime as a wrestler and mixed martial arts boxer, Rousey was reputed more for machismo than femineity. Yet, Celebrity magazine declares: “She looks amazing!’: Ronda Rousey stuns in 10-day postpartum photo. ‘What kind of postpartum tea are you drinking?’”
As to Chopra, Celebrity pictures her hanging out on the deck of a yacht, with the headline: “Priyanka Chopra poses in a yellow bathing suit on her ‘perfect day off.”
The magazine’s take on Collins is a little bit of an anomaly. Fawning is usually about young women and those that look like them, courtesy of plastic surgery and all. It is rare that a woman two years shy of 90 is fawned over. Yet, there is this headline: “Joan Collins, 88, shows off her toned legs as she reclines on couch: ‘Looking fabulous.’”
People magazine, which is Celebrity magazine by another name, doesn’t lag much behind.
The sister magazine to the revered Time can fawn as well as any other magazine, as this headline in September attests:“Katharine McPhee teams with bra brand MINDD on new collection: It’s ‘unlike anything out there.’” The headline doesn’t ask the world to pause, but something that’s “unlike anything out there” may very well warrant that.
And if you think a magazine called Women’s Health would dispense the wisdom of Hippocrates, consider this headline from late September: “Simone Biles rocks a super short miniskirt and reveals sculpted legs in new poolside Instagram photos.”
About the same time, SheKnows, an online outfit that seeks to empower women through information, ran this headline: “Gwyneth Paltrow shared an effortlessly stunning bathtub nude for her birthday.”
And then there is this one about one of my favourite athletes, again in Women’s Health: “You need to see this pic of Serena Williams twinning with her daughter on the beach.” Not you may want to or even should see. But need to.
Among other regulars of fawning headlines are Kim Kardashian, Rhianna and Jennifer Lopez. Rhianna and Je-Lo made their marks singing and/or acting. Kardashian, on the other hand, became rich and famous simply by marketing her personality. Not surprisingly, she arguably garners more fawning headlines than anyone else.
Indeed, fawning headlines about Kardashian no longer require superlatives, as in this one from InStyle magazine in September: “Kim Kardashian hit the beach in a thong bathing suit and butt length hair.”
Though women dominate fawning headlines, men are not entirely absent. This headline by The Wrapabout a forever young rock star attests to that: “Channing Tatum loses it over Lenny Kravitz’s abs — see the pic.” Yea, that’s an imperative. Like Serena’s twinning, Kravitz’s abs is a must see.
Fawning, fawning all over. So, the next time you think that this is a mean world, think again.
Hollywood’s gift to Nigeria
While on fawning headlines, why not an update on “Bob Hearts Abishola,” the US sitcom that features an American businessman (Billy Gardell) and his Nigerian love interest (Folake Olowofoyeku).
If Lai Mohammed, Nigeria’s Minister of Information and Culture, had watched the first two season premier episodes, he would have been inclined to host the show’s producers for a sumptuous dinner. The episodes couldn’t have presented Nigeria in a better light. Airing the Mondays before and after October 1, they are readily Hollywood’s 61st Independence anniversary gift to Nigeria.
In my last update, I recounted that Abishola and Bob’s hastily arranged wedding had to be cancelled when she learned that her ex-husband in Nigeria had decided to keep their son. The season-ending episode ended with Abishola, Bob and pertinent others airborne to Nigeria to slug out a custody battle.
This season premier picked up the story from there, with their arrival at Murtala Mohammed International Airport and onward to Abishola’s and her ex’s homes in Lagos. Along the way, the viewer is shown Lagos at its best, with glistening skylines, lagoons, seashores and modernist thoroughfares. Then came the palatial homes, especially of Abishola’s ex, where a maid even draped a warm moist towel over Bob’s face.
The second episode featured the wedding — in Lagos. Here the splendour of Yoruba culture is depicted to the world. There is the expansive ballroom, the colourful bridal troupe and the unbridled dancing. Even the visiting oyibo family romped along uninhibitedly.
To cap it all, Abishola decided to leave her son with his father. It was a gut-wrenching decision she made after concluding that the boy would lead a better life — and have a better future — in Nigeria. Hello, Lai!!!
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