A genuine hug could make all the difference

By Narayani Ganesh

For those who are grieving – either over the loss of a loved one, or on hearing news of a tragic copter crash that killed all on board – nothing one says can alleviate the pain and suffering they are going through. In fact sometimes words could have just the opposite effect, of aggravating the state they are in. But there is something in a hug that makes the aggrieved feel less pained, less stressed and less lost.

Scientists say that hugging triggers the release of oxytocin in the body, which is why it is also referred to as the ‘cuddle hormone’. Oxytocin tends to reduce stress and increase happy feelings.

This is perhaps why Mata Amritanandamayi began hugging those who came and poured out their problems to her. One warm hug from her and poof! Everything seemed to get better, and the visitor went away feeling that there was someone who really cared and who could feel their pain and empathise with them. This wordless therapy has worked for millions who have met this hugging mother or Hug Ma as she is popularly known.

Scientists who explored ‘how to hug’, say there are two kinds of hugs performed by strangers. What makes one hug better than another? In the first, ‘crisscross’ style, each hugger puts one arm over their partner’s shoulder and the other arm under their partner’s arm. In the second, called ‘neck-waist’ style, the researcher put both arms under the participants’. In total, each of the 45 female participants in the study received six hugs, each hug lasting for anything between 1.5 seconds to 10 seconds.

Anna Düren, psychologist at Goldsmiths, University of London, and the study’s first author, says the Covid-19 pandemic began before she and her colleagues could collect mixed gender data in follow-up studies. Nevertheless, part one of the study done in a controlled environment concluded that hugs of a shorter duration were less effective than those of a longer duration, even if the hug was from a stranger.

The experiment’s second phase took place in the real world. Researchers recruited 100 pairs of students observed socialising on campus to hug in public. The team gathered data on gender, height, and how emotionally close the pairs rated themselves.

Without prompting the students on how to hug, it was found the crisscross style was more common, accounting for 66 out of 100 hugs.

Düren says the male-male preference for crisscross hugs was especially interesting because previous work has indicated people feel more egalitarian about this style of hugging. The crisscross, she says, might convey closeness without adding romantic subtext.

Hugs don’t just confer emotional closeness; they’ve been shown to improve our mental and physical health. Hug Ma has been hugging visitors for decades now, as a sort of spiritual therapy, and this has never failed to make the hugged feel better. It gives one a sense of being accepted, understood, and empathised with, resulting in a magical effect; hence the moniker in Hindi, ‘jaadu ki jhappi’, magical hug, that leaves one feeling loved, cared for and wanted.

Hugging speaks volumes without having to use words, and is comforting, calming, therapeutic and soothing. So long as the intention is pure and the feelings are altruistic, even hugs from strangers, at a time when you are down and out, can work wonders. (ganeshnarayani@yahoo.com)