2022 SESSION: Quirkiest Moments

The 2022 session did not lack for bizarre moments – thanks to quirky behavior by lawmakers and others.

The most delicious – or stomach-turning – moment, depending on your taste: The Rocky Mountain oyster-eating contest, part of the Colorado Legislative Sportsmen's Caucus Day, occurred on April 21.

For Easterners or other Colorado newbies, Rocky Mountain oyster is what you get when a bull becomes a steer. Look it up. The oysters were sliced and fried to perfection, and the contest, which included Reps. Richard Holtorf, R-Akron and Perry Will, R-New Castle, and a couple of teens, was on. Holtorf and Will did not fare well – they had eaten before the contest and filled up quickly. The winner was Griffin Mendez of Highlands Ranch, who snarfed down four in a minute. 

There were also more than a few oyster-cowards at the luncheon, who will not be named (Sen. James Coleman, ahem), to protect the guilty.

Holtorf, round two: The bard of Akron, in a hurry to get to a vote on the Reproductive Health Equity Act on March 14, did not have his sidearm properly secured, and dropped his gun in front of a group of horrified lobbyists outside the House chamber. There were no injuries, although one lobbyist – who also shall not be named – said when the gun landed, it pointed straight at his nether region. 

The checks that shall not be cashed: One of the strangest discoveries in 2022 was a pair of 2021 checks made out to the Senate Majority Fund. The checks were found in the men's bathroom on the north side of the ground floor of the Capitol. They eventually wound up in the hands of the Secretary of the Senate. Both the chair of the Senate Majority Fund, Sen. Paul Lundeen of Monument, and the fund's executive director told Colorado Politics they had no intention of picking those checks up. One was allegedly in five figures. 

Governor takes bike safety seriously and correctly: During a trip to Queen Palmer Elementary School in Colorado Springs in April, Gov. Jared Polis rode around the gym on a small bike, and was wearing a helmet – properly. He's been known to put a bike helmet on backwards in the past, so lesson learned. 

The red carpet awaits: The first Colorado lawmaker, probably, to walk the red carpet at the Oscars was Rep. Emily Sirota, D-Denver. Her husband, David, was nominated for a statue for screenwriting for "Don't Look Up," a dark comedy starring Leonardo DiCaprio. And no, the Sirotas were not on the Oscar floor when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock.

Favorite April Fool's prank of 2022: The Senate Dem staff for stealing brand-new Senate President Steve Fenberg's couch and replacing it with an inflatable couch that failed in its mission to hold air, especially with Fenberg on it.

The biggest mystery of 2022: Hands down, the title belongs to whoever caused about $700 in damage to a third floor bathroom at the Capitol's northeast end in March. The culprit, who damaged the ceiling tiles and left debris in the sink, did not get out through the door, since it was found locked, and it can only be locked from the inside. Allegedly, an unidentified woman was the culprit, and she may be still be wandering in the Capitol attic. 

Everyone's Irish for a Day, except for Sen. John Cooke, R-Greeley: Cooke is an Anglophile. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but on St. Patrick's Day, he ran around the Capitol with a Union Jack flag and wore an orange tie – in solidarity with Northern Ireland and the British Empire, and not Ireland. "Long live the Queen and may the sun never rest on the British Empire!" Cooke was heard to exclaim.

Elephant hijinks: The House GOP's mascot, Goliath, was kidnapped and later had his ear broken off in an encounter with one of the stairwell's cannon balls. It had to be soldered back on. 

And that leads to the saddest moment of 2022: The arrest of Rep. Matt Gray, D-Broomfield. Police picked him up on an alleged DUI while at his children's school on April 21. Gray has provided more fodder for Capitol M than almost anyone in recent memory, including making off with Goliath. He has been a good sport, even when the jokes were directed at him and not by him. Gray did not return to the Capitol after the arrest, participating remotely throughout the rest of the session, and abandoned his bid for a fourth term in the House. Good luck, Rep. Gray. 

Fond farewells also to: Senate President Leroy Garcia, who traded the president's gavel for a job at the Pentagon in March, and Gary Donovan, who grew up in the Capitol from a pup.