Dear Lizzy,
My wife talks through movies and TV shows we watch at home. She doesn’t do this in the theater, thank god, but at home, it makes it nearly impossible to follow things. Am I a jerk for ignoring her (ie., not answering any questions or responding to any comments) when she does this to try and discourage it? She knows it’s annoying but can’t help it.
Please Be Quiet
Dear Please Be Quiet,
There’s this meme going around TikTok where someone asks, “When people say ‘marriage is hard,’ what do they mean?”
This is what they mean.
Marriage is being in the same physical location most of the time as a person you love, a person you can stand more than probably almost any other person on the planet, and knowing that and still being so incredibly annoyed by the tiny quirky things they do. Marriage is basically accepting those quirks are better than the alternative: worse quirks from a person you don’t like as much or no quirks at all.
Let’s not judge the people who choose to be alone, because they have a point. But for those of us who pick the annoying habits of a person we love and also like, we have choices. You can fight about it or you can give in or you can try for a compromise.
I never recommend fight about it, but before you give in, you can try compromise.
It sounds like your wife knows what she’s doing bugs you and she actually wants to stop. So I think what you’re doing is totally fair. But also, have you asked her what she thinks might help her keep quiet during shows? A very large bowl of ice cream? Mouth tape? Writing her thoughts in a notebook for post-show discussion? An air horn?
Talk about it! Come up with some silly ideas and try them out.
And, if she never quiets down, well, you will have something to complain about for the rest of your life, something not so bad really, because you can watch movies by yourself sometimes or only in the theater and, as the married will tell you, it could be worse. How is she at loading the dishwasher?
Good luck!
Lizzy
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